Transvestia

into my trans-sexual desires. I reasoned that if I could become a girl I could also be closer to my mother because I would then find it quite simple to develope the skills of a girl. The reasoning was not sound, but my young mind was in search of love, not sound reasoning.

My father did not care that I did well in sports or in school work. I must say that he made it far easier for me to fail than to succeed, because he never expected that I would do well in any attempt. He would make excuses in advance for anything I en- deavored to do because I was a stupid dreamer. Con- sequently he came quite close to completely depress- ing any ambition I would form in the future. Every time I would try to please him his only comment would be "it stinks." It was so much simpler for me to exist in my dream world than it was to com- pete with his comments. My comfort was in "E.... 's' closet and my thoughts were of some day becoming a girl.

I

As my sister developed further into womanhood my frustration deepened and my dependance upon her clothing grew stronger. Through my teen years I discovered with her the delights of femininity. was depressed by the knowledge that I was becoming a man. I remember one evening when I had chosen to wear only her bathing suit. I had finished my walk around her bedroom and I found myself sitting on her bed wondering if my life would be nothing more than lonesome hours spent in "E....'s" clothing and wish- ing for a miracle. This was perhaps one of the hard- est moments of my life; my dreams could no longer fill the emptiness which my loneliness and frustra- tion had created.

This was the beginning of the purges which would be a part of my life until I discovered TRANSVESTIA. I would go for months without dressing in anything other than my own clothing. Then the desire would build until I would give in to it and enter "E....'s"

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